Everyone’s Chasing the Wrong Thing
Most people feel empty, restless, or deeply unfulfilled at work.
It doesn’t matter if they have a stable job or have tried to do everything they were supposed to. Many still feel stuck, overlooked, or unsure of what they’re even working toward.
Maybe you’re in the same boat.
The good news is that there is an explanation behind why you and so many other professionals feel this way. As children, we were all asked the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
The question is well-intentioned but toxic. It compresses identity into a job title. Think about it:
“What” refers to a role, label, or profession.
“Be” speaks to our identity, being, or essence.
In short, “what” is external, but “be” is internal. While “what you do” can reflect “who you are, " this question reduces “who you are” to “what you do.”
When a career is chosen without this self-awareness, it’s often based on external factors such as pressure, status, or exposure. Therefore, our choice is at high risk of being misaligned with who we really are. And even if you happen to land in the right role, without self-awareness guiding that choice, you’ll likely struggle with confidence, because you never internalized why it fits you.
To achieve fulfillment in our work, we need to detox so we can build a fulfilling career built on alignment and ownership.
Consider how many adults you know who chose careers solely based on parental expectations, financial stability, or status. Perhaps you’ve done the same. And although these decisions might seem rational initially, they frequently lead to disillusionment and disengagement.
Gallup’s 2024 report reveals that only 23% of global employees are genuinely engaged at work. The remaining 77% are either disconnected or actively unhappy, costing organizations nearly $8.8 trillion annually.
Beyond financial loss, this statistic highlights a more profound human cost: millions of people spend their lives in roles they find meaningless, chasing external rewards that fail to satisfy their deeper emotional and psychological needs.
It’s clear that many are aware to various degrees of the disengagement and disillusionment in the workplace. This is good news. But I’m concerned that certain solutions that are trending will only exacerbate the problem.
To address the low engagement, many professionals have reduced work to a purely transactional exchange: time and energy for money, security, and status.
To make matters worse, influencers and so-called experts share this view. The pursuit of fulfillment and joy in one's work is labeled idealistic.
Work is being treated like a commodity, disconnected from deeper values like calling, impact, growth, or fulfillment. Similar to the popular show Severance, we attempt to split our work-self from our core identity, a division that breeds restlessness, mediocrity, and disengagement because it fails to engage the whole person.
Three years ago, I walked away from an executive role into the unknown of entrepreneurship. Within six months, reality began to hit. On paper, things looked okay. But I felt restless, frustrated, and overwhelmed. I was exchanging time and energy for money, security, and a sense of achievement that didn’t seem to be coming anytime soon.
Frustration turned into resentment, especially toward my team. In my mind, they were letting me down. But blaming others was easier than facing the truth. The real problem wasn’t them. It was me.
I chose entrepreneurship without first understanding myself or the deeper values that drive me. I chased external rewards instead of internal clarity. Without realizing it, I’d turned work into a commodity. At the time, I spun narratives to myself about the impact we could have or dreams of what this could become. But in reality, work was empty of joy and meaning.
I wasn’t building a business out of passion or purpose. I was driven by anxiety and self-interest. My work had lost its humanity. I learned the hard way that fulfillment isn’t idealistic; it’s essential. Without it, everything else eventually falls apart.
So what's the alternative? It begins with self-empathy. Everything began to change when I slowed down and started a self-discovery journey. I asked myself some honest questions. Here are a few to get you started:
What do I want?
What tasks do I enjoy doing?
What tasks drain my energy?
What truly matters most to me and me alone?
What kind of positive impact do I genuinely enjoy having on others?
What emotion am I feeling? What’s making me feel this way?
How do I define success and failure?
Instead of focusing on what felt urgent or innovative, my business development plan was less glamorous. I focused on discovering who I was (thoughts, emotions, motivations, past experiences, etc.). Self-empathy isn’t about indulgence; it's about clarity.
But it’s important that you observe your answers without judgment. The goal isn’t to fix, correct, or justify. It’s to understand. Admit things to yourself that you might be afraid to admit to others. Be vulnerable. Explore self-contradictions.
For example, if something you want conflicts with your moral or behavioral values, ask yourself, “What do I hope to achieve if I were to get this? What am I really chasing or longing for?” This is a powerful practice.
These questions are simple, but the answers are not easy. They force a choice: continue to sever your identity for the sake of a job, or begin the essential work of building a career on the foundation of your authentic self. The first path leads to a statistic; the second leads to a story worth living.
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